Today is a day to celebrate for a lot of people. It also is a hard day, one with mixed emotions. Mother’s and Father’s Day are the hardest for Carter. I think more than any other holiday. He is constantly reminded that the people who are supposed to be his mother and father aren’t, at least not to him.
It’s a few days before the adoption, and we should be celebrating that I am his legally going to be his mother. That doesn’t change the fact that his biological parents, aren’t who he lives with. It is a deep hole, that I hope heals one day.
I’ve learned to not push anything for the day, we take it easy. Don’t do too much, low expectations. Also staying home and relaxing is the best. Carter has a lot of emotional stuff that always seems to come up on these days. It’s just wise to make space for it. At least in our case.
Today the big thing he has been struggling with is the idea that something must be wrong with him that Mary couldn’t get healthy in order to get him back. He feels like maybe he’s not worth it. I of course said he is worth it and that’s why I am fighting so hard for him. That its nothing he did that she is sick. The reality is he just doesn’t feel like that is true. Hopefully with time he will heal. Either way I’ll be here with him day in and day out. I pray that God will continue to heal his heart and place Godly men in his life to pour into him.